Written by Heather Groves towards Disability Pride.
Key terms defined
ADHD stands for Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It is a learning disability characterised by restlessness, trouble focusing and impulsiveness. People with ADHD can also experience difficulty with emotional regulation and sleep.
Dyslexia is a learning difficulty that is characterised by difficulty with learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols.
Dyspraxia or Developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD) is also a learning difficulty. It manifests the appearance of clumsiness and people who have it may struggle with everyday tasks such as walking, writing and household tasks. DCD can also affect a person’s fine motor skills.
Neurodivergent refers to variation in the human brain regarding sociability, learning, attention, mood, and other mental functions in a non-pathological sense. It was coined in 1998 by sociologist Judy Singer, who helped popularize the concept along with journalist Harvey Blume
Neurotypical refers to none neurodivergent individuals.
My journey after diagnosis
In the beginning, after receiving my diagnosis, I struggled heavily with (and still occasionally do) imposter syndrome. This makes me feel like I am faking my disabilities and making a big deal out of nothing. One thing I struggle with (that is perhaps not as talked about) with ADHD is my memory. I struggle immensely to recall conversations I have had with people, and it is a source of constant guilt for me. I am very lucky my friends and housemates are so understanding but that does not t stop me from hating my brain sometimes and wishing it would just work as it should. Another thing I struggle with as part of my dyslexia is the pronunciation of words which I often find humiliating, especially in an academic setting. My inability to pronounce, spell or even understand certain words makes me feel like a child unable to read properly; it makes me feel like I have no place being at university if I cannot read or spell basic words. On good days (when issues like these do not occur) the imposter syndrome kicks in; I feel guilty, as I feel like I need to be struggling 24/7 with symptoms of something to truly have my diagnosis.
Being diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia meant I had to relearn myself through the context of being neurodivergent and everything that came with that. This was perhaps one of my biggest initial challenges after receiving each of my diagnoses. However, having an official diagnosis is a privilege that I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to afford had I not gone to university. This is because not only would I have had to pay the initial hefty sum of money for diagnosis, I’d have had to pay for my medication follow up appointments on top of paying for my medication each month.
Disability pride month is important to me because people continue to tell me that I do not have ADHD or my learning difficulties due to how well I do academically and my ability to function within a neurotypical setting. However, what people do not see is the doubt and low self-esteem I struggle with because of my disabilities. People with ADHD have a hard time making themselves do things and how the only time we can work is under pressure as ADHD brains tend to thrive in chaos.
The casual ableism I have experienced (I have also been told not to let these diagnoses define me or ‘use them as an excuse’) are exhausting because I’m not using them as an ‘excuse’; it’s how my brain works, and I’ve always been like this. Neurodivergent people are not using their disabilities as an excuse when they say they cannot do something or ‘letting it define them.’ Our disabilities are a part of us and mine impacts every decision I make because they affect my everyday life.